Japan was overwhelmed by cold.

Today I saw snow! It's not inherently bad, I like it, but I had a PE class at the outdoor for a marathon event on next week. It was too cold to speak well, and my skin was so dry and my hands were numbed. I need more warmly clothed.

Well, this change in climate is thought to be caused by global warming. Once the process is going to the one side, then the rewind will occur like a clock hand. It will become unstable climate.

But I'm convinced that goloval warming is progress steadily.

Relax

January and February is the most comfortable season. I can have 1 or 2 hours as free time at home. So, in the meantime, I would like to enjoy TV programs, because someone say, I’m a bit far removed from the practical world.
Well, today some how, my interesting programs are concentrated in 10 pm.

“ガイアの夜明け”
“プロフェッショナルの流儀”

“まっすぐな男”.

My DVD can record only 1 program. I’m wondering what I should watch?
Today’s sweet is a piece of Baumkuchen. Though people are talking about Roll cake in Japan, I prefer Barmkuchen to it. I’m very happy.

3 day holidays

During 3 day holidays, I met some friends and contacted some friends, I had fun. But I got to become unstable.

So, this evening I knitted a coaster. And I got settled.

New year greeting card

One of the pleasures of this New Years holiday will be receiving greeting cards with friend's photo on them.

They might change little by little, but pictures brought me back the scene of old days.

In this year, I post my e-mail and blog address on my card, and then some friends send mails to me and promised to coming to Ehime. It was a good thing that I post it.

Well, today I visited my friend's new house, I knew it from her new years card.

There was a home theater in their living. It was made to order. What a gorgeous!

Building a house or picking up household goods seems to be having fun!

And she cooked lunch for me, until now, it was my role.

Besides, her cooking skill improved, beautiful kitchen would motivate her to cook.

It may be important to start from the form.

If you keep doing anything long enouh, you can experience almost before you realize it.

Shopping

Today I went to Matsuyama to go shopping with my sister. Many stores already started winter sales. From Jan.2 or more early, it's getting to be early year and year.
We went around the city for the two hours or the three hours.
My sister is particular about her appearances.
She picked out very quickly and a lot of clouthes, besides as thinking total-coordinate with them she has. It's an astonishing ability.
I am diametric opposite. Basically, I like simple and natural style.
And I don't like to buy a lot of things.
Usually, I buy something what I really want.
After deep contemplation, I bought a pair of black boots with some advice from my sister. It was 2,2500yen. It was not cheap, but I'm OK, that is exactly what I needed it. If I bought a fake leather or at the shopping center, I could be less money. I buy not only in high-priced shops, but also mail order or UNICLO. I decide if it is right for my needs, price and quality and purpose.
I think this is the value judgment.
In the end, though I was supposed to buy some clothes, that was all. Perhaps I got satisfied with it.
On my way back, we dropped at a nice italian restrant, and take lunch.
My sister made an unique toy made from straw's paper. She is unexpectedly skillful with her fingers.
Well, I had a good time at Mid Matsuyama in a while.

New Year's holiday's

During New year holiday's, many people retun home from the city. And my sibling's families came back to my home.
I was really looking forward to seeing them, but I had to stick to cook traditional New Year's food's dishes for them. Recently, it became easier than before, because many modern wives can't take such an enough time for cook. It is called "osechi." I'm a good cook, but it was not easy work.
The foods that make up osechi each have a special meaning associated with good luck.
For example, black beans wish for hard work, herring roe are for being gifted with children, lobsters are for long life, etc.
And we eat a zouni which rice cakes boiled in vegetable soup.
A wide variety of ingredients used for zoni are particular to the region where it's made. In the Kansai area, people enjoy a zoni miso soup, while a plain zoni soup is popular in Kanto.
The ingredients of zouni depend on the region, farm harvest is different by location. So, traditional foods will be opened to each region's life and culture and history.
And, I gave a New Year's monetary gift to my loved niece. we call it Otoshidama. It is one of the happy events for children during the New Year holidays. I can't betray the expectation of her.
Finally, I got a gift from my brother. It was a lucky charm. I've realized Japanese is very superstitious. But I'm OK as long as everyone's happy. I just wish my loved people's happiness in 2010.

The end of the year

The end of the year is approaching quickly.
I'm happy that I could spend the end of the year, with my loved family.
I'm wondering how I spend 2009?
There are a lot of wonderful memories, happiness and sufferings. Acutually, everything is invaluable experience for me.
I wouldn't trade this year for anything.
Well, 2010 is coming soon!
I'm going to brace myself in 2010.
And, I hope that the New Year finds you in good health.

Mister donuts

After work, before 8 pm, I went to GranFuji which is a big supermarket to check books, for making a purchase plan of school library.

I ran smack into an English classmate at the book store. These days I have some accidental meetings like a charm. I've felt a curious connection as a friend.

After that, I went to Mister donuts.Mister donuts is one of donuts chain shops in Japan, and it's my favorite place.

When I lived in Matsuyama, I went to there at Saturday morning to eat a donut in lieu of breakfast. After coming back Shikokutyuou city, I can't go to there like Matsuyama, because it's located far from my home. And so now, I sometimes go to there at Friday night.

To tell the truth, I don't like eat donuts, but there are times when I get intense carving for going to there, like addiction.

As taking a rest at there, I feel really relaxed. Maybe, Mister donuts reminds me of good memories. And some how, I come up with good concepts.

Just now, Mister donuts was having 100Yen sale, every donut is only100 Yen. Usually, one donut is 120~130Yen and a cup of coffee is 298 Yen, But now, even a cup of coffee is just 200 Yen. In addition, new release donuts are very soft and raisen dough, they are cutting indegreeents for cutting costs.

I've found a sign that the deflation rate is increasing.

Recently, I'm offen impressed with the efforts of company to reduce price. How do they make the price includes all the costs?

Now, business is slow, and then the salary go down, and then business is more slow down.

We're going into a deflationary spiral. Not only Companies but retail shops, all commerce would be dumped into the dustbin by the severe cost competition.

In the end, we might get good services, high quality and low price, but we should recognize that they involve a lot of sacrifices.

Halloween Party

Today I took part in a Halloween party.

It was designed by new maneger for new English teacher, Josh.

One requirement was that dressed up for Halloween.

After thinking, I dressed as a pumpkin, plant's image, to wear a smoky yellow knit of mohair yarm. I made a light dark knit hat and a pumpkin bag. I just wanted to give thanks to Josh's professional mind.

The party was so nice as I thought. Josh prepared some games for us. I had a great time.

In the truth, from my indrawn character, I really don't like to attend these parties.

But I wanted to know how people were learning English.

Recently, I feel it's very hard to keep my motivation for English because of my busy days.

Participants ranged to variety careers, company's employee and doctor and cram school teacher. Almost of them told me that they needed English for their job. That was different than me.

I wished to make English friends to keep my motivation.

But I wouldn't solve my business by this party.

And, I'd whined a bit about my worry which I started to wonder what I'm working for, at the party. And then, one participant said to me, "you should quit, a lot of people wished to become a teacher."

Exactly, I've realized, now I have nothing to depend on and I am being easily swayed

I should build up my identity and recognize for what purpose I do.

Well, I came back near the midnight after a long time ago, my mother got angry very much!
At that time, I remembered that my mother had almost called the police, whenI didn't come home by midnight.

After that

Today I took a gastric camera at Shikokutyuou hospital.
Though it's getting to small by the tecnological progress, it was a hard work for me as I thought.
After all, my doc found a gastritis in my stomach, so I have to continue to take medicines more 1 month.
The result of a gastric camera was out of mind, because, some how I was convinced I must be well. Maybe, I placed too much trust in my health.
It became a lesson not to place too much trust in my experience.
I know the cause of a gastritis, I have to see other place.

Well, I decided to take part in the Halloween party on 25 by my teacher's eager offer.
One reason, he said "the Japanese teacher would take part in the party."
After all, I decided to go to tha party. Because, in fact, the Japanese teacher is my friend, since my childfood.
After the class, I send an email to her about the halloween party.
She replyed me today.
"I didn't take part in the party, recently I quited the job. because my mother in law became a pancreas cancer. How was the new teacher?"
I've fallen short of expectations.
Oh, no! I have to speak with new people! And then, I have to think for my costume.

English class

Today is my English class day.
Usually, I go to an English school, GEOS, every thursday night. GEOS is one of popular English conversation shools in Japan.

English class is still one of my pleasures in my busy days.
I take part in the active conversation class. At first, I just wanted to keep my English level. But recently, I'm getting to look forward to go to there as I thought.
Now, there are a lot of Japanese people who are eager to learn English.
I think that English classes are not useful not only for practicing English conversation, but also for cultural exchange.
Because, I can get interesting views from different professions, and widen my perspectives through being exposed to different values.
Almost my friends are teacher. So, it's precious for me to meet other world.

And I'm impressed by the GEOS's staffs are really high quality.
Now, my English teacher is Josh, he is American, and he has some interesting fields, political science and English teaching.
At the first class, he told us his motivation to live in Japan. Now he is gathering good experiences to be a university. I've never meet such a person vow to walk his way.
Well, we also get good experiences from him.

However, apart from GEOS, there is still no opportunity for me to actually speak English.
No matter how much time goes by, my Enghish won't improve.
I must study English by myself except thursday.

He suggested us to have a hallowin party on October 25, but nobody attends to the party.
I feel really sorry. I want to make English friends enjoy English together.

But now, I'm satisfied I really enjoy English class, even if I can't improve it.
It's important to enjoy myself.

Workbalance

During 3dayholidays, my younger brother family came back to Shikoku.

I'm also looking forward to see Yuiko who is my niece, and she is 3 years old and my love.

I'was surprised by his children who were polite and endearing gesture, and impressed by my brother and his wife who worked together.

We talked about our recent lives, and he advised me about my work.

"You should think your workbalance. Teacher's salary is very low, you just should do worth of your salary, so you shouldn't spend such a hard life."

I really know about it.

Recently, I've been weary from much working.

Usually, I'm in school, from7am to 8pm. After having dinner, I get redy for the next day's class for 2hours. There are 5 or 6classes everyday. And, I take charge of school library, I have to manage it and books. Even if I go to school on Saturday, I can't see the end.

Besides, I work to improve some student's problem behavior. I'm thinking about students on a 24-hour basis.

In addition, I'm single. Everyone knows I can work hardly.

The harder I do my best, the easier much work will come. And As getting years, I might get to notice to details.

Sometimes, my chief told me thanks. Maybe, I must do to chief's area.

Well, I have to learn to say "no."

Now, it is all about my work. I should reduce work to 40%, at least 50%.

And then, I would afford to think myself.

During 3day holiday's I sticked to think about cooking, I could feel nonworking mother's feeling. I had a fun.

They came back to Kobe. I really miss them. For new year day, I'm looking forward to see them.

Affection

Today, I went to the Legal Hotel in Nihama, to see my friend's wedding.
Her marriage ceremony may be small and intimate with only family and a few relatives attending. But we would like to see her wedding, so we went to there secretly.

One of my friends didn't know her marrige before seeing her wedding dress.
She was left speechless. We really had a fun.
Well, it was surprised us that her partner was out of our mind. Because, she is quiet type of person, but he is a opposite person, a very sociable person. Additionally, he invited us to their house.

As I call, I was wondering how type of person would be made for each other, opposite or similar.
In my case, I've been thinking I'd like someone is similar to me and understand me. But I'm realized it's really hard to find such a person. Everyone is different. I should make efforts to compromise and understand others.

Thinking about it, it had been difficult for me to find someone I love, but it is not difficult to make a friendship with somemen.
Whenever I feel someone's earnest affection, I felt some kind of fear and left from him. Maybe, I thought that I couldn't return such a serious question. Because, if I answered something, I will have a hevy responsibility on my answer. I went into my shell and I couldn't understand even my own feelings.

Probably, this explain the reason that there is a thin line between love and hate.
The more I have strong feelings to him, the more he has strong sentiment to me.
And sometimes it would become love. Sometimes it would become hate.
Once the love bond breaking, the more it's strong, the more it's gone beyond the point where it can be repaired.
Onece there is a divorce, the line is cut, even two people promised to love each other.
I'm stunned by the fact that the emotional of human works complexity.

I don't think mine's going to be like others.
I think that I will always like the man I came to love.
I'm looking foward to see whether it is true or not.

In addition
I've heard that she decided marrige 2 month ago, and they had their marriage registered 1 month ago, and today they hold a ceremony. Up to the day they were legally married, their relationship had progressed at an incredible speed. So nobody knows about her marrige like us.
It's hard to believe!

Ｄevelopmental disorder

During this week, I often talked with sturdents's parents after school, almost everyday.
Some how, some students became fidgety after a field day, and made some troubles.

I've been struggling to manage my class since the beginnig of this year.
The main cause is the two children act at their own discretion without thinking for other classmates, and require me like to their mother.
I was involved in their voltage. So, I often had a talk with their mother, and they also have been feeling difficulties for nurturing children.

Actually, recently I feel developmental disorders are incresing in a class.
In my class, there are 5 children who have some kind of difficulties, low intelligence or ADHD or pervasive development disorder, in my class, are 31 children.
It'a high ratio!

I think problematic children lack in communication skill.
They might have some difficulties by nature, like baiased development and developmentally-handicapped and oversensive etc.
So, the mother had felt difficulties for nurturing the child, and then, decreased communication, and then, the child could not develop smoothly and learn a language.
It becomes a vicious circle.

In the other hand, There are problems in their family background, for example, severity or poverty or abuse or neglect etc.
This may cause developmental problems.
They, however, can't possible concentrate on lerning, if they have such a daily worries.
I believe that educational backgraound is more important than high birth.
So, I've been trying to teach sturdents to improve their abilities, to get out of this terrible situation.
But, I know, it is really a difficult issue to deal with, in most case, everything will get back on the track.
Humans are weak, we can't go on living without relying on something.

I've realized, there are something I can't do, if I do my best.
There is more to life than work.
I would like to think positive and I hope a peace.

Upset stomach

I have been suffering from headaches and vomiting. I might get a stomach upset. I’m going to go to hospital after a field day, in Sep 28 or 29. I have substitute holidays. So, that's all for today.

Highway

Today, I went to Matsuyama to see a friend.
The highway was so crowded, because now, in only weekend, the highway tolls with a uniform driving charge of 1000Yen, except city area.
I found a lot of cars from other prefectures in the high way parking.
Yesterday, Yukio Hatoyama, be elected prime minister on Sep 16, committed to pursuing a far ambitious goal to slash greenhouse gas emissions.
Speaking at the Asahi World Environment Forum 2009, which opened the same day in Tokyo, he said his administration would aim for an emissions cut of 25 % from 1990 levels by 2020.
It constitutes a contradiction with the manifesto of his party, Democratic party. The highway become free is concluded in the DP’s manifesto.
Even now, there are a lot of increases in traffic in everyhighway. When free highway happens, CO2 emissions will increase very much.
I feel stirring concern, Japanese CO2 emission is only 4.5% of the total, and 41 % of the total number of CO2 are US and China. He shows that Japan will take initiative to achieve the target, to the world. I’m wondering if he has such a strong initiative.
Japan is said that is advanced on eco friendly technologies. If we could develop a sustainable system and spread our environmental technologies, we would buck up Japan’s value.
Any way, I shouldn’t worry too much, and I just expect Japan’s fine progress.

By the way, I found a fun store at the highway parking.
It’s a fruits market, really Ehime. I tried to put early oranges in a small bag for 200Yen.
I felt coming of autumn!

What really surprised me

Today, there was a debriefing meeting of my friend wedding, an overseas wedding, combines with the honeymoon.

I was very much caught off guard by her.

She is one of teacher friend's group.

Last March, when I checked a news paper about teacher's personnel transfer, I found her name on the retired list. Though we often meeted to talk almost every month, I'd never heard whether she worried to quit the job, or not.

I couldn't get a hold of her, so I called all my friends, but nobody knew it.

After a while, I got an e-mail from her. They had words like " I'm going to get married one person, having a relationship with me. I'll go to Okayama" .

I nearly had a stroke.

In the meeting, we enjoyed listening all kinds of stories about them. Marrige person's opinion maybe of some help for me. I felt very encouraged from them. And, I just called to one single friend sitting in front of me," We shold do our best, souldn't we?" Then, because she answered, "No, I'm not enough. I got married".

I've nearly had a stroke again.

She just got married last week.

I'd believed that we had said whatever we did. I realized, everyone doesn't say whatever is on their mind and goes out with someone.

I've been thinking that I have to marry for a long time. But, until recently, I wasn't true interested in marriage.

It's a fact that I rarely met someone I really like. I'd been just thought someone understand me. Topics of my interest are economic and politics and environment, eco and health and food.

Maybe, they are not girlish. I might look serious and cool.

Usually, people seem to tell each other about what happened that day at home.

But in my family, we din't tell about such a things, I think it was not my parent's favorite topic. And now, if I tell about my work, it's not difficult but enourmous amounts of work and hectic and stressfull days , my mother will worry too much. So, now, we enjoy talking about current news.

Oh, I am in a crisis!

I should feel pressed more.

Luckily, Happiness are still continuing in my group.

My friends offer to introduce a new love to me, in the meantime, I should go for it.

I might find someone understand me.

Gardening

I've been enjoying "gardening" since my childfood.
I've left home for a long time, and I lost a lot of plants and flowers, but my garden is still planted with a variety of flowers and plants.
Early September is the month for planting spring-flowering bulbs.
Basically, they grow easily, just only water and furtilize.
If they don't bloom in spring, the problem could be overcrowding.
Today, I focused on transplanting them.

Taking care of plants, just that alone is enough for me. It's my pleasure. Let's join me to enjoy gardening!
If you grow plants, you can really the strength of nature.

I have a lot of Daffodils and Tulips of different kinds that include rare species.
And, Leucojum aestivum and Cyclamen persicum and Zephyranthes and Ornithogalum dubium and Sorrel and etc.

Almost people would be content to just watch beautiful things.
In my case, while looking at plants, which is enough to purify my mind and feel comforted.
And, touching the plants, I feel my sensitivity will unfold.

This year, Fortunately, a Cyclamen servived last winter. Though I buy some Cyclamen every year, it's the first experience for me.
In addition, I've found some small bulbs of Cyclamen. Each bulb sprouts a few leaf.
It's also my first experience!
They give hope to me!

5 days holidays

Today, 5 days holidays started!
I have a lot of homework, because I had been tackling worries about students during last few weeks. Any way, I have to do those without complaining.
When I look back at the past several years, I've felt difficulties managing students year and year.

I feel children having some kind of difficulties, like ADHD or lack of social skills or psychological fear, are increasing.
In the other hand, there are so many parents who are earnest for an education for their children. change in society
I think, it is cocktail of several reasons, change in society, like a gap of society and diversification of individual values.
People in matured countries are searching for an enjoyable, easy life.
Surely, we got it, but in the result , we are forced to be hectic lifestiles.
Now, we also are requesting by customers, parents.
Since some time or other, we just attend to their needs. A wide variety of students are in public school. It creates differences of opinions among them.
I realized, I've been exhausted by trying to respond to the request as completely as possible.
I should make a virtue of necessity.

Well, I've complained again!
Generaly, people enjoy making their blog as a communication tool or a place showing themselves.
But, in my case I just write very personal thing, just telling daily life or my thought.
As blogging, I can see myself.
I've believed that wrinting has good effect as a therapy, especially for people pour out their worriesin front of others, like me.
Well, I guess that nurcing plants or painting or making something have also good effect on people relaxed. They are a sense of success in works.

In the end, "pain is forgotten where gain follows."
I don't like such a thinking, want to put something back. But I should change my mind, for reducing my stresses.

Worries

I got depressed today.
My cheif someteimes advise me about management of children. That is not really a bad thing. However, she said it in front of a lot of my colleagues, especially the principal.
When I hear her advices, I come down off a high, even I really know some children's bad conduct. I get to suffer serious guilt trips, like I feel I am denied.
Maybe, parents nurseing difficult child always feel like me!

Maybe, even for children I couldn't keep a suitable distance with children.
I should leave from children, and see them objectively, and advise them acting on their own initiative.

Well, moreover, I have an another problem.
Though I wish to settle down at least, I'm prone to problems.